Reflections on Being a Mama

A rainy Spring day... Miraculously, the kids are all "resting" at once.  And even though the house has diapers and toys on the floor and dishes in the sink, I'm choosing to write.  It feels good to write again.  If you don't use it, you lose it, right? 

I haven't seriously blogged in over a year.  It's the all too common story.... life gets busy, you get writers block, and if it slides down the totem pole of priorities, well, it just won't ever get done.  Yes, I've had a baby.  Yes, I spend my life nursing and burping and changing diapers and soothing and swaddling... all of this while chasing an adorable two year old master of destruction and a lovely, talkative, imaginative four year old who always wants to play Star Wars.  For a while, I thought I was on the brink of insanity....after telling everyone weeks after delivering how easy of a baby E. was and how much easier the transition was than I thought it was going to be.  Then, at 5 weeks, for one reason or another, E. became insatiably fussy, her face looked like a 13 year old going through the worst bout of pubescent acne you've ever seen, and she was still only going about 4 hours... on a good night.  And at the same time, my cute mischievous D. was getting into everything he could find and not responding to discipline.  My poor B. was getting the brunt of Mama's tiredness and stress and was often neglected, with the TV as his only companion.  And the guilt of that just added to my stress.  I never thought of myself as a controlling person until I became a Mom of three.  I quickly realized that I was outnumbered entirely, and instead of controlling the mess, it became containing the mess.  And my OCD was not having it.  By the grace of God and the tenderness of my sweet husband, I've since come to place less importance on cleanliness and more importance on just being a Mom.  It's still hard for me to put down the dishes and pick up a light saber or put down that project that has been years in the making to just lay down and smile and talk to my baby.  But I'm learning.  And each time I forfeit the job for the person, I'm never disappointed.  Yesterday, I decided to sit down and play Legos with B.  As I pranced around as a squared off and yellow headed Lego man, we laughed and laughed.  And that smile and giggle will stay with me forever.  I mean.... c'mon... who doesn't want to see that dimpled grin?

B.  has always been easy going.  He's the perfect eptiome of a first born child.   He's an organized, creative, happy, outgoing, sweet boy.  He talks to E. in his "baby" voice, and it cracks me up.  He's so affectionate with D.and E. and says "I love you" probably 50 times a day.  It's why I'm writing... I never want to forget it.  His generous "I love you's".  I never want it to end, even though I know it will.  I want it forever ingrained in my memory... a memory of a dimpled boy smiling up at me, calling my name just to say "I love you".  And it has taught me to be more generous with my "I love yous".  I can already tell he's smart and disciplined.  He loves "school" and is always counting and writing letters and numbers.  He asks me to add numbers all the time.  "Mom, what's 4 and 2?" That combined with his love for building (and taking apart) has caused M. and I to foresee engineering in his future.  He loves his screen time and would rather play video games with Dad or play Legos inside than play outside.  This is in stark contrast with his brother who could spend ALL day outside. B. does play outside a lot, especially now that the weather is warmer and nicer, but given the choice, he's definitely a home body.  

 

D. has since learned to play with actual toys.  No really.  His favorite toys were things he could find on Dad's night stand, or the refrigerator, or glass water cups.  I think he broke about 4 glasses in the past two months.  He opened every safety door knob, and I could literally never "baby proof" the house enough.  He climbed tables and chairs and toilets and flooded sinks... in a matter of minutes.  The only thing he couldn't escape (which surprised me and relieved me) was his pack 'n play.  So every time I would nurse E. I would have to cage him.  And if you have ever caged a two year old, you know that there is a lot of screaming involved.  When my father-in-law asked how the transition was, I told him the hardest part about having 3 was D.  Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love and adore my D.  He has the personality that would win even the devil over (pardon the expression).  He is bubbly and fun loving and laughs and hugs, but he is strong willed, determined, and exploratory.  All those things that make for a hard two year old, but an amazing man when bridled and channeled in a Godly manner.  And those eyes....beautiful, big, brown.

 

E. is entering the happy 3-6 month baby stage.  I still can't believe she will be 12 weeks this Mother's Day.  My favorite part of the day has to be walking into her room in the morning to see her looking up at me with a smile so big, it makes her whole body wriggle.  Clocking in at over 12 pounds, she's chunky like her brothers were, but with a much more dainty stature.  She has the longest fingers and toes I've ever seen on a baby.  I'm always amazed at the difference in appearance from 2 months to 3 months....

 She's doing all the things 3 month old babies are doing: smiling, cooing, rolling, being happy for any portion of their tummy time.  Her hair has lightened into an auburn (can't seem to escape the red).  And it's looking like she will be keeping her blue eyes! I'm so excited she will have blue eyes like her Daddy's.  (Also, I can live vicariously through her since I always wanted blue eyes, haha!). She's in love with her brothers and follows them around the room and smiles.  And.... she's totally sleeping through the night!  She sleeps a minimum of 7 hours every night and has been for several weeks now.  She has been my best sleeper by far.  She brings so much joy to our family.... and having a girl after two boys?  It's so incredibly fun!  To see her brothers love on her and protect her makes me so happy.

So, that's my life in a nutshell of baby nutshells.  I know it's cliche, but it's all true... being a mom is hard and rewarding and fun and exhausting and emotional and physical and beautiful and so many things.  God has called me to be a mom, and it's no small job.  But it's always been the job I've wanted, not always the job I imagined, but the job that I love.

@alli